The strange economy of God

I lost my cool today. I mean, I really lost my cool. My six year old son was careening through the house yelling like a banshee with a light saber pointed straight at his four year old sister, who in turn was screaming like a slightly higher pitched banshee. I had already asked nicely, say maybe a bazillion times, for them to stop playing so rough and so loud, and this was the last straw. I can only imagine the ugly and distorted look on my face, as I neatly clotheslined the kid, ripped the light saber out of his hand, and yelled at the top of my mom lungs. “ENOUGH!!”

Cue great big tears and even more unbearable noise than either one of us had yet made. I’m ashamedly certain that the only message my son received loud and clear from my rant in that moment was “I’m so sick of y’all”. Period.

Thankfully, that wasn’t the end of the story. I was able to apologize. I asked for forgiveness for losing my temper, and being so physically forceful. Forgiveness was freely given. Before long, the two of them were happily playing once again, and I was left alone to contemplate my own weaknesses, and the strange economy of our God.

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
2 Corinthians 12:9

This is His economy. So why do I operate on the regular as if, when my weaknesses rear their ugly heads, the Father is up on his throne somewhere, throwing his hands in the air saying, “I’m so sick of you!”

I’ve lived too many days as if this were the case. Too many nights laying awake regretting that I’m weak and vulnerable and imperfect.

Friends, His mercies are new every morning and those mercies extend into the deepest cracks of our identities. He loves us! Just as we are. As a loving Father He desperately wants for us to walk in the freedom of who He’s created us to be. His forgiveness is so freely given.

If I want Him to make and mold me into the mother, spouse, woman I’m supposed to be, I must renounce the worry and regret, and hear the gentle, loving whisper of His voice as he gently calls, “ENOUGH!’ Enough running, enough hiding behind the pain of your weaknesses, wounds, and imperfections. Open yourself to receive, and I will make you whole. My power is made perfect in your weakness.”

"I will all the more gladly boast of my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities; for when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10