It’s Ash Wednesday again. And here I am scrambling around, trying to make preparations to enter fully into this Lenten season. I want our home to reflect the change in the liturgical season. I want to make sure we have the appropriate reminders of penance and sacrifice. I want to make sure to stock the right kinds of food. I want all the best prayer journals, even the most beautiful and catechetical coloring sheets for the kids. I want…well, I want to do Lent right, maybe even perfectly for once.
Meanwhile the loving gaze of the Lord is upon me. He’s just here, smiling, loving me. He’s longing for me to quit doing and scrambling. While I am trying so hard to make it look like I really want what He wants, His loving gaze shines upon me, no matter what my Lenten preparations are. He waits patiently for me to be still, to let go, to simply receive His love.
Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted over the earth. Psalm 40:10
I think I’ve often viewed Lent as an opportunity to enter into battle -- and it very well may be. But until now, I may have been confused about who’s doing the fighting, and what or who the real enemy is. I have too often viewed myself, my sinful inclinations, and many imperfections as the enemy against which I alone am fighting. Lent for me has always resembled forty days of self help, in which I’ve sought to do battle against the evil that has taken root in my own heart. And while this might not be the worst way to look at Lent, I think it’s time I approach it for what it actually is. God is doing the work, it’s really just my job to receive.
This Lent I’m giving up negative self-talk and it honestly feels like an impossible feat. But, I’m okay. I’m choosing to recognize that I am utterly powerless to win this battle against my own depravity. Instead of trying extra hard this Lent to crush my own weakness, I’m giving my feelings of inadequacy to Him. When I fail (because I will) I’ll seek to hear His loving voice instead. And instead of arming myself with a bunch of extra spiritual practices, I’m choosing to put on the full armor of God, and to hide myself in His power -- in order to slay not only my weaknesses, but also the true enemy who has LIED to me for so long about what those weaknesses mean!
I suppose it could kind of sound like I’m kind of wimping out on Lent this year, and maybe I am. But I think the reality is, I’m just in a place of utter surrender right now. I’m realizing that if I ever become holy, it will be His good work in me, not my own self help.
Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm
against the schemes of the devil. - Ephesians 6:11